I've never really believed in the Devil. At least, not as a being or force that sets events into motion in the world. Evil, maybe, is an idea I could wrap my mind around, but even that... I don't know. It's probably the product of being brought up in the U.S. where the American dream is believed to be achievable despite all of the socioeconomic evidence to the contrary. Kids in the U.S. are told that they can achieve almost anything if they work hard enough, so the idea that something intangible can come and invalidate all that you have worked for is difficult to imagine. That was a tangent.
What I mean to say is that I never truly believed in evil as a force of its own, but as I was sitting in the girls’ group last Friday I thought about changing that view.
I was SO excited to help lead a group with Talia and Debbie for teen girls from the church. The last time this group met I hadn't even been in South Africa for 2 weeks, so I was more of an observer. That group was on rape and sexual abuse, which was a heavy topic that was handled very well. It was clear from that meeting that the next one needed to deal with self-esteem and self-image. I had a few ideas for this group and I was eager to see how they were received. The group was significantly smaller, probably because we kept changing the date and because some of the girls were in Soweto for the afternoon, but it turned out to be better that way.
We did an activity where we drew our faces on a paper plate and then wrote something we liked about ourselves. We passed our plates around and everyone wrote something nice about everyone else. One girl seemed to be having trouble coming up with things she liked about herself. Debbie asked what we thought God saw when looking at us, and this girl replied that she thought God saw in her someone who could do so much but doesn’t; someone who is always disappointing others. She started crying.
We had to wrap up the group about 15 minutes later. Debbie talked to the girl afterward; Talia and I were waiting nearby for our turn to reassure her. This girl is one of the nicest I’ve met. At church she’s always surrounded by friends and is perennially smiling. She never fails to say hello to me, and to give me a hug.
She believes that because most of her family has died, it must be some kind of reflection on her- some divine retribution for something she has done wrong. I can’t imagine that God would want her to feel so worthless.
It’s not uncommon here to meet children whose parents have been killed. It’s also not uncommon to meet children living with friends, distant relatives or strangers because their parents take out their frustrations over an unfair life on their children. And there are children who are abandoned, taken in by people with big hearts and crowded homes. It has created a legacy of broken spiritedness that is devastating to see. A psychological oppression has taken over the void left by the abolishment of physical oppression in apartheid.
This week two more people I know have attempted/committed suicide. It was horribly overwhelming and made Texas seem very far away from South Africa. And that’s why I’m putting up these two toll-free suicide hotline numbers, one for South Africa and one for the U.S.
South Africa: 0800-567-567
U.S.: 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)
It seems impossible that no one noticed something was wrong. Maybe the person that noticed didn’t take it seriously. Maybe they didn’t want to get involved. Maybe they thought there was nothing they could do to help or that the person was ‘too far gone’ for anything they said to matter. That’s like saying, “His leg is broken. Might as well chop it off.”
Please don’t ignore or write off suicidal behaviors and speech. It’s a myth that people that talk about suicide don’t actually follow through. Actually, most people that commit suicide have told someone about their plans. Suicide is preventable and depression is treatable.
To quote a friend, “even in the complete and total valley moments, it's important to remember that things do get better.” If you or someone you know is depressed or suicidal, please seek help. Texas and South Africa shouldn’t feel so far apart.
